Trusting the Universe

This universe has quite the sense of humor. [and it seems to have a special affinity for me.]

I'm spiritual. I look for the good in people, always. I laugh, a lot. I am kind, I am giving, I pay attention, and I am honest. I do yoga, I go running, I hug beautiful trees, I meditate and I am fully tapped into cosmic consciousness- the kind that loves to reward me with crazy synchronicity and mystical signs that are outrageous enough to make me believe in magic and happily ever afters. I love, deeply, and I trust whole heartedly. I see the beauty in human nature. I am me in my rawest form at any given time of the day, and I show this to people freely [even if it scares them.] I act from my heart 100% of the time, and I am true to myself. I show up as I am, and I accept others for who they are. I am a manifesting machine and I am best friends with this universe, who's coincidences are one of the most beautiful, interesting, and exciting parts of my life.

Sometimes though.......... some crazy sh*t happens.

I try to be a good person, but occasionally I feel completely confused, trampled on, let down, and blind sighted... I give my heart and it gets broken, I trust and feel betrayed, I give and I feel taken advantage of. And it can be exhausting.

That's life...right?

Life is life, people are people, and things happen. That's all part of being mixed in with the world and all of its incredibly perfect chaos. Nothing is personal and I fully understand that. Everyone is doing their own thing and sometimes their thing just doesn't line up with our thing. People evolve at their own pace [and we are not allowed to judge another on where they are on their journey.] It's not a race and we must remember to stay in our own lanes. Letting go is truly one of life's biggest and most difficult lessons, including the expectations we have for things / people / life. The freedom that comes from letting go is really worth the work it takes to truly release whatever crap sandwich the universe may have thrown our way, especially the expectations we put on it. 

Everything serves us. Everything comes our way for our greater good. Everything that shows up in our lives was called upon by us- by the things we decide to do every day / the words we say / the thoughts we think / how we present ourselves / etc. This universe is a big mirror for ourselves and it responds to the energy we give it.

What to do about all the magic that is supposedly intertwined in all of this when the sh*t storm happens though? When things don't turn out, where do you put the synchronicity and the signs you followed that got you here in the first place? What if you did everything right and trusted, and things still fell apart? This was my question.

I recently had a pretty amazing story unfold before my very eyes, the kind that I couldn't write even if I wanted to. I manifested something pretty wonderful only to have it unravel and fall apart before I could even realize what was happening... leaving me confused, a bit lost, and a little hurt. How could all of this magic and synchronicity have come into my life, only to have it explode for no apparent reason? [Especially when I didn't "ask" for the signs and the synchronicity and the magic!] The thing that I was most excited about completely disappeared and I had no idea what to do with all of the emotions left over from it. I struggled with this for a few days until a fellow universe-loving friend looked at me and said, 

"You are not powerful enough to fu*k up the good things that are coming into your life."


Trust. That is what this is all about. Trusting the universe and it's magic. Trusting the masters / angels / spirit guides / orbs / energy beings / clouds / buddhas / totems / nothingness / whomever or whatever in knowing that you are always being guided and gently pushed towards your greatest good. Trusting that sometimes things / people / circumstances leave our lives in order to make room for something else [good] that is coming. You must continue to be you, to work on yourself and to aim to be better, to give yourself fully, to love yourself and to trust that the universal inter-workings are manifesting in your favor, because after all, life always gets better. It's the law of evolution, and we are constantly evolving. This universe conspires to give you what you want as long as you are true to yourself [Thank you, The Alchemist] even when it seems like everything is upside down or falling apart.

The seeming sh*t storm is all a part of this. Sometimes things fall apart so that they can come together in a new and better fitting way. We are always riding a mini wave in a great ocean of possibilities redirecting to better places and merging with whatever our soul feels will best serve our evolution.

I realized that having experienced death and loss at a young age made me inherently not trust that things would be ok without my hand in them. I don't mean to push from my heart, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I over-love and I over-give. I trust too quickly and I show too much. I want everyone else to be happy even if it's at my own expense. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, it's simply how I rebuilt myself after having lost my brother when I was a teenager.* To be completely open, honest, and genuinely myself when sharing a space with someone else- so as to not miss a moment- seems like the most honest way to live my life. People don't always understand this about me however. I have "lost" friends and relationships because of it, jobs because of it, confused my parents because of it, and probably come across as a little crazy because of it. I refuse to feel less deeply or love less honestly though, and those that take the time to get to know me will truly know my heart, because I will show it to them openly. But I now realize that my hand doesn't need to be in everything in order for things to turn out ok, and for them to turn out exactly as they should. 

Allowing things to happen is a beautiful thing. 

I think that no matter what comes or goes from our lives, we must continue to trust that who we are is exactly who we are supposed to be. That what is meant for you will find its way to you...when you are ready for it, not necessarily when you want it. There is a web of universal intelligence at work in the deeper layers of our existence and it is these connections that we must remember when things don't go our way.

I heard Carolyn Myss once say something to the extent of "When all of these things start to go wrong in your life, all of which are seemingly small and insignificant, it's to protect something perfect that is trying to come into your life. "

That line changed everything for me, and I cannot think of anything more true. Circumstances are constantly changing because this world is constantly changing, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. I have seen SO MUCH magic and so many incredible unbelievable things manifest that I have no choice but to believe that things are always, always, always as they should be. 

Trust the universal inter-workings. Put your hand up to God / the angels / the buddha / the clouds / the nothingness or to whatever diety you believe in, and let go. Trust that things will be as they should be. Trust that if you are good, good will come back to you. Trust the flow of energy. There is so much synchronicity out there and it is begging for your attention so it can show you it's light. Watch your thoughts and where your energy goes. Run towards the things that make your soul leap for joy. Hug people. Hold on to the things that make your insides smile. Give love FREELY. Worry about only trusting that who you are is enough, because you are. You exist in this world to experience yourself fully and you will be given everything you need for that very experience. The universe knows what it is doing. The good, the bad, and the ugly included. 

When everything seems to start to go wrong, it is to protect something perfect that is trying to come into your life.

Trust the process, and allow the universe to show you its magic.

P. s. Don't forget to Breathe.

* [It's hard to lose someone close to you. Please reach out to me if you have had a loss too. I have learned and grown a lot from my experiences and I would love to share them with you.]

Sending love,