It's just as difficult to live a toxic life as it is to live a healthy one. We are afraid of being empowered and of being happy to the same extent as we are in fear of being in pain because we are disempowered.
Being healthy and happy is not a right - it is an accomplishment [ at least in today's society, although this should not be the case. ] And being responsible for that accomplishment is something that terrifies us and seems impossible, so we stay wounded.
Here's why: We don't have a model we can look to that says: being healthy means that we are happy.
Society says that if we are healthy, we are alone. What we have is a herculean model that says being truly healthy means we have no vulnerabilities - and this makes us extremely un-relatable. [ Which means we will be alone. ]
In today's day of facebook / instagram / pinterest / filters / staged photos and photoshop, what we see is often times the life we wish we had; the body we always wanted; the relationship ours never became; the lifestyle we could only dream of. The truth is: you never know what you are looking at. You are only looking at a glimpse of something, the part someone wants you to see to precisely give you the impression that they have their sh*t together, but you don't actually know what you are looking at. We don't know the person behind the photograph, we don't know their circumstances, what they are like, what hurts them, how happy they truly are, and if they are even the person we think we are seeing.. and most of the time, unfortunately, what we are seeing isn't always real. Not only does this non-real lifestyle give us false expectations, thwart our realities, make us feel like crap and give us the impression that we aren't good enough, but we get addicted to looking at what we "wish" we had and don't realize that constantly seeing these images tell every cell in your body [ not to mention the UNIVERSE ] that we don't accept what IS in our life. This is huge on its own, but more importantly / more terrifying is that this message biochemically changes your neuron connections / your brain and rewires you to be even more miserable, more unhappy, more victimized and ultimately be and stay more wounded. It becomes a cycle and it creates a mess. And we do it to ourselves.
Wounds are relatable, pain is relatable, unhappiness is relatable. It's because of this that we are terrified of being healthy and happy. We could go after our dreams, we could work hard and give our best to make our lives look like the instagram lives we so desire, but then what would we complain about? We find comfort in our wounds, in staying sick, in keeping ourselves miserable so that we can talk about it, so that we have something to share, so that people will forgive our short comings because of "whatever" it is we have going on.
Woundology is a real thing. Carolyn Myss has a book about it called "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can," and it's fascinating. We stay wounded as a survival mechanism because as miserable as you may be, at least you know how to survive it. Wounds are comfortable. Getting your crap together is not.
What we lack is sincere responsibility for ourselves - for the conditions of our lives - for how we feel - for our thoughts - for what the scale says - for who we are married to - for our own happiness - FOR WHO WE ARE.
How often do we sabotage ourselves because of these fears.. when they aren't even real?
The way around woundology is to first acknowledge that we are creating a story for ourselves that we don't need to live. That story doesn't make us happy, but it is what we are used to. The truth is that there ARE a lot of things you can control about your life, first and most importantly your power over your own life and to the extent which you make positive or negative decisions for yourself. From there, its baby steps until you gain enough confidence and self trust to make bigger and more courageous decisions, like joining a gym, searching for a new job, taking a class, dating or whatever it may be.
The first step is committing to yourself.
The first step is remembering that you are in control of how you feel. And if you feel like crap, you just may be doing it to yourself.
Let me know if you need any help sifting through your wounds and getting down to the essence of who you are. That is the entire point of living on this beautiful planet to begin with - to share who you are with all of us.